Meeting You

 

Shall we kiss when we meet? I mean deeply, romantically, with utter abandon. That’s what I want, but then again not, because meeting you is such a strange situation and experience tells me that so much depends on the first encounter. Without either of us planning anything, our first words and gestures inevitably set a tone. We lead ourselves into small commitments, second by second, ones we’ll likely never have the wit or time to examine.

I admit to a penchant for narcissism; it’s inevitable if one tries to live an examined life or, better, an artistic life—and self-awareness is a strong predictor of success in the sort of relationship I want to co-create. I state this knowing the risk of offending you by appearing controlling, because I trust you’re wise enough to know the opposite is true: from your own experience, you must know that to try to love is to be vulnerable above all else, to submit. Hence the kissing, which reveals such paradoxical giving and taking.

Rationalizing is more narcissistic than kissing. Let’s keep the intellect free to do the sparring and exploring without letting it defend us too well. Brains can help us keep our balance on the tightrope of romantic love, and commitment has a legalistic aspect, but it’s really a bargain of the heart that we make with blind hope in a beautiful outcome. Those small commitments reveal intentions but also doubts; loving—paying attention—is mutually reassuring.

So foundations are built together. What expectations will they be called on to support? Back to kissing, again and again. I’m romantic and a risk-taker. I can’t say for certain why that’s so, or if events will bend me to another way; it’s a dance, so my energy ebbs and flows. Mysteriously, with delicate, precise power, love rejuvenates me. We ask and we receive; giving facilitates awareness because we are sensitive to our lover’s responses.

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